Q: How many Wardrobe people does it take to screw in a light bulb? A: "Nobody said I needed doubles on that!"

A man was fed up of having his car broken into and having his radio stolen he decided he would remove it when he parked his car he also left a note saying there is no point in breaking in my car as there is nothing to steal. When he returned to his car it had been broken into again and there was a new note where his had left his, saying just checking.!

One day a boy ask to his mom :

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Boy: Mom what does God look like?
Mom: I don't know
Boy: Is God a girl or boy?
Mom: God is both girl and boy
Boy: Is God white or black?
Mom; God is both white and black
Boy: Is God gay or strait?
Mom: God is both gay and strait
Boy: Wow! Is God Michael Jackson?

What are the four food groups?For bachelors: Fast, Frozen, Junk and Spoiled.For drinkers: Malt, Hops, Barley and Yeast.For heavies: Caffeine, Fat, Sugar, Chocolate.

Q: How do you tell which is the Groom at a Polish wedding?A: He's the one with the CLEAN bowling shirt.

Only those who attempt the absurd can acheive the impossible.

A policeman noticed an old lady standing on a street corner during a sudden windstorm. She was bracing herself by holding a light post with one hand, and she was holding her hat snugly against her head with her other hand.Unfortunately, a strong gust blew her dress upward, and it continued to flap in the wind, exposing her privates for everyone to see.The policeman asked, "Hey Lady, everybody is taking a look at what you've got. Don't you think that pulling your dress down is more important than worrying about your hat?"Look, sonny,.... What these people are looking at is 85 years old...But this friggin hat is BRAND NEW!"

You are so cheap . . .
When someone rang your doorbell, your kids had to yell, "ding dong!"

Q. What do you call a gay dinosaur?
A. Megaspores.

Llega Bill Clinton a la oficina de Boris Yelstin y ve que ?ste tiene un telefono rojo detr?s de su escritorio:

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"?Para que es ese telefono?", pregunta Clinton.

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"Para hablar con Dios", contesta Yelstin.

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"?Puedo llamar?"

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"Claro, camarada."

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Clinton hace su llamada y cuando termina de hablar con Dios, Yelstin le da una factura por 3 billones de d?lares.

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"?Por qu? tanto?", se queja Clinton.

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"Hablar con Dios cuesta."

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Clinton paga y se despide de Yelstin. Dias despues Bill Clinton visita a Menem y ve un telefono similar:

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"?Ese telefono es para hablar con Dios?", pregunta Clinton.

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"Pues claro, ?quer?s usarlo?"

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"Si", contesta Clinton.

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Al terminar de hablar Menem le entrega la factura a Clinton:

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"?S?lo 10 centavos, por qu? tan barato?", pregunta asombrado Clinton.

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?Y que quer?s? as? cobramos las llamadas locales ac?.

More than a billion screwed.
Contest error: collect 100 small apple pies.
Would you care for a rigged game piece with your order?
Supersize your disappointment!
Did somebody say scam artist today?
Become an instant millionaire: sue us for fraud!
Have you had your McScandal today?
We have a Monoply on all Grand Prizes!

An exhibitionist named Joe was preparing to board a flight to Atlanta.As he approached the open door of the plane at the end of the jet way, a very attractive flight attendant was collecting boarding passes. As she reached down toward Joe for his boarding pass, he opened his raincoat and exposed himself."I'm sorry sir" she said politely, "but you have to show your ticket, not your stub."

Q: How many lead trumpet players does it take to change a light bulb?A: Fifty. One to do it and the others to stand around and say, "I could do that better.

There was a flood in a village.

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One man said to everyone, "I'll stay! God will save me!"

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The flood got higher and a boat came and the man in it said "Come on mate, get in!"

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"No" replied the man. God will save me!

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The flood got very high now and the man had to stand on the roof of his house.

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A helicopter soon came and the man offered him help."

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No, God will save me!" he said

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Eventually he died by drowning.

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He got by the gates of heaven and he said to God "Why didn't you save me?"

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God replied, "For goodness sake! I sent a boat and a helicopter. What more do you want!"

Q: How many quantum physicists does it take to change a lightbulb ?A: One: of course. Two to do it, and -1 to renormalise the wave-function. (Explanation - Renormalising the wave function is something that has to be done to a lot of quantum physics calculations to stop the answer being infinity and makes the answer always come out as one.)

Knock KnockWho's there !Cabot !Cabot who ?Cabotret !